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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Nikos shows up. He’s got this huge grin, like he just won the lottery or something. Turns out, he found a stray dog on Vasilissis Sofias Street. He’s all like, “Dude, look at this cutie!” And I’m like, “Nikos, we’re not starting a dog rescue here!” But I can’t help but smile. The dog’s wagging its tail like it’s the happiest creature on Earth.

Greek fires may be treated as terrorism